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Meditation 283
The Origin of Children

(Original version by Erkki Aalto, Dept. of Obstetrics, Gynaecology and Stork Science, University of Helsinki)
(English version by Jopi Louko, Institute of Stork Research, University of Alberta)

The following was previously published on Brad Templeton's Rec.Humor.Funny, although it is not original to that site. If you do not understand why it is considered appropriate to reprint it here, that's OK. Just read it for its humour. And if you don't find it funny either, well, that's just too bad.

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Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork. Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school.

In reality, however, many of the world's leading scientists are in favour of the theory of the stork. If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth. Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.

Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:

  1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.
  2. The alleged human foetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.
  3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim. Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn.
  4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child.
  5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing.
  6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork.