A Testimony

by Former Filthy Rags

FIRST, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR NOT SLAMMING ME THE FIRST TIME I SIGNED YOUR GUEST BOOK. I MUST ADMIT I EXPECTED RIDICULE AND HOSTILITY. I DON’T THINK I WAS BEING JUDGMENTAL, ITS JUST THAT AFTER 20 YEARS (THIS YEAR) AS A BELIEVER IN CHRIST , I HAVE BECOME VERY REALISTIC ABOUT WHAT THE MERE MENTION OF HIS NAME DOES TO MOST UNBELIEVERS. IT COMES WITH THE TERRITORY AND I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY WHY. EVEN THOUGH I UNDERSTAND WHY, I STILL SLIP-UP AND TAKE IT TO HEART ON OCCASION. ONE PERSON WOULD LIKE TO SPIT IN MY FACE. I WOULD BE A FOOL TO PUT UP WITH THIS STUFF FOR 20 YEARS IF IT WERE NOT REAL!

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT ALTHOUGH I’M FROM THE DEEP SOUTH I’M NOT A HAY-SEED AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT ALL OF MY SPIRITUAL INFLUENCE WAS NOT HANDED DOWN FROM GRANNY AND PAPPAW. I LOVE THEM ALL (MY PEOPLE) BUT MOST OF THEM AIN’T GOT A CLUE. I HAVE SEEN (AND DONE) A FEW THINGS IN MY 43 YEARS AND THAT DOES INCLUDE SEEING BOTH THE DARK AND LIGHT SIDE OF THE SPIRITUAL REALM.

AT FIRST I THOUGHT YOUR SITE WAS REALLY ALL IN FUN (FOR YOU AND YOURS) UNTIL THE LAST RESPONSE FROM YOU. YOU SAID THAT MOST AGNOSTICS HAD COME FROM WHERE I AM. I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. AT ONE TIME I COMPLETELY UNDERSTOOD WHAT IT MEANT (OR DIDN’T MEAN) TO BE AGNOSTIC AND EVEN CLAIMED TO BE SUCH, BUT I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU I CAN’T EVEN COMPREHEND WHAT IT MEANS (OR DOESN’T) MEAN ANYMORE. THE ONLY EARTHLY THING I COULD COMPARE IT TO WOULD BE LIKE IF SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT CAUSED MY TWO CHILDREN TO NO LONGER BE IN MY LIFE (PHYSICALLY) AND BEING ABLE TO CONVINCE MYSELF I HAD NEVER BEEN THEIR FATHER. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE? BUT WHEN I READ THAT STATEMENT (MOST AGNOSTICS CAME FROM WHERE I’M AT) I REALIZED IT WASN’T JUST A JOKE BUT YOU WERE ACTUALLY TRYING TO CONVERT ME. I’M OK WITH THAT AND REALISTIC ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU KNOW I’M TRYING TO CONVERT YOU. OUR FRIEND DAVID’s STATEMENT OF SOMETHING LIKE “IF YOU WERE SO SURE ABOUT IT YOU WOULDN’T TRY GET OTHERS TO BELIEVE IT” LEFT ME GOING “MAYBE THAT DIDN’T COME OUT LIKE HE INTENDED”. I DON’T KNOW.

THESE THAT CLAIM THEY WENT FROM RELIGION TO BEING AGNOSTIC ARE ACTUALLY JUST A LITTLE CONFUSED. WHAT I HAVE IS NOT RELIGION. WHAT I HAVE IS A PERSONAL, GRATIFYING, REPENTANT, MEANINGFUL, ETERNAL, POWERFUL, LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD(THE FATHER) THROUGH JESUS CHRIST(THE SON). I WAS RAISED FROM BIRTH TO ABOUT THE AGE OF 14 IN DENOMINATIONAL DIVISION AND CONFUSION AND RAN AS FAST AND FAR AS I COULD FROM THE CHURCH BECAUSE OF IT. JUST AS YOU DO, I HAD MY EYES ON HUMANS AND NOT THE “I AM”. HE HAS NEVER LET US DOWN NOR DONE ANYTHING TO JUSTIFY OUR RESENTMENT AND DISTRUST OF HIM.

BY THE AGE OF 21 I HAD HAD MOST EVERYTHING THIS WORLD HAD TO OFFER. ABOUT THE ONLY THING I HAD NOT HAD WAS FAME, AND I GUESS I JUST DIDN’T WANT IT BAD ENOUGH OR THE ENEMY WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME THAT TOO (IT’S HIS TO GIVE). TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT I WENT FROM BEING AGNOSTIC TO BEING ATHEIST(I GUESS). I HAD GOTTEN TO THE POINT THAT I COULD SEE NO REAL REASON TO EXIST ON THIS EARTH, NOTHING!!!!!!!!! I WAS NOT A NUT, BUT I WAS DEFINITELY GOING TO CHECK OUT. BEFORE I ‘CHECKED-OUT’ I THOUGHT THE LEAST I COULD DO WAS WAS ASK GOD TO REVEAL HIMSELF TO ME. WHAT WOULD I HAVE TO LOSE IF HE WASN’T THERE ? AND I KNEW HE WASN’T THERE! I WENT TO A BELIEVER (ACTUALLY GOD THREW US TOGETHER) THAT I HATED AND HE WALKED ME THROUGH A PRAYER AND SCRIPTURE (I ACTUALLY WANTED A BELIEVER TO SEE IT WASN’T REAL) AND I HONESTLY AND IN SINCERE MANNER ASKED GOD TO DO SOMETHING. HE DID IT! HE CHANGED ME IN AN INSTANT. WHEN I OPENED MY EYES THINGS WERE DIFFERENT. THE SUN ACTUALLY BROKE THROUGH RAIN CLOUDS. THIS MAY SOUND CORNY TO YOU BUT I ACTUALLY HEARD THE BIRDS SINGING A NEW SONG. THE FIRST THING I SAID (WHEN I WAS FINALLY ABLE) TO MY NEW BROTHER WAS “I CAN HEAR THE BIRDS SINGING”. I KNOW THEY HAD BEEN THERE ALL ALONG, BUT I HAD NOT HEARD THEM IN YEARS AND NEVER AS I DO NOW. THERE ARE NO HUMAN WORDS THAT BETTER DESCRIBE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THAN THE WORDS “BORN-AGAIN” I KNOW IT’S NOT THE SAME STORY FOR EVERY BELIEVER, BUT GOD KNEW WHAT IT WOULD TAKE FOR ME AND IT WAS COMPLETE. THERE WAS AN INSTANT CHANGE IN ME THAT WAS SO REAL OTHERS BECAME BELIEVERS JUST FROM WITNESSING MY CONVERSION. SOME SAID EVEN MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE WAS DIFFERENT, AND DON’T DOUBT IT AT ALL. MY FIRST PRAYER AS A NEW CHRISTIAN WAS TO RECEIVE IT ALL. I TOLD GOD I DIDN’T CARE WHAT ANYONE THOUGHT OR SAID ABOUT ME, IF IT WAS OF HIM, I WANTED IT! I AM A FANATIC!

I HOPE THIS MAKES SOME SENSE, IT’S ALMOST 2AM AND I’M GETTING SLEEPY. I HOPE TO SOME DAY SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!

YOUR FRIEND IN CHRIST,